Friday, April 30, 2010


Every negative thought that I have, I am tired of hearing that I am going to feel sorry.... I know that I'm going to feel sorry. I already feel sorry. The last thing I need is to be threatened that I will... in the future... feel sorry or bad for however it is that I think now. Or how I may portray my current situation. It stinks.

Monday, January 4, 2010

To Be Continued...

I dont know whats going on with my hair. I want to dye it black but my mom hates it that dark. Its so damaged yet still poofy like little bird hairs :)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Once you start to understand yourself, you start to understand the world around you... once you begin to understand the world around you, you begin to understand yourself... and when you begin to understand yourself, you start to understand the world around you... and so on...

Monday, October 19, 2009

Writter's Block

I'm listening to Nirvana! haha.

"You're ruining it for me... She's ruining it for me... are those your boots... I dont wanna talk tonite."

All I got. I want to go to half price books and buy watercolors and join a yoga class.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Once while attending my regular church at the time, I heard a sermon from a guest speaker they had while I was attending a conference. His name was Jay Bakker, son to Tammy Faye and Jim Bakker (evangelist seen on the local Christian Network). Otherwords, Christian Celebrities whose lives had been on close watch and exposed on teevision worldwide for years. But that statement in itself is not a topic I would like to go into detail about right now. However, I'm going to touch base on a sermon I heard from Jay. He said something so profound that I has stuck with me for the past three years and I often ponder the phrase. He said something along the lines of "Being someones friend because you're "supposed" to as a Christian, and loving them, in all sincerity, isn't the true love of Christ."

When he said that it blew my mind. I never thought about having a calling or duty as a Christian to befriend someone just because it was my "job". He said that he had met many Christians growing up who in the end turned out that they didn't much care for WHO HE WAS they just felt like it was their duty to befriend him. Now I have reached a point in my walk with God... and I'm almost paranoid you could say that my fellow brethren, regarldless if they love me or not, are their to help me but is it the ME that I really am that leads one to connect to another? Or else why would God have you in the same place as the other if it wasn't his calling or will for the two to have the same ideal of God, the ultimate. Alpha and Omega as the same God and in return find that love within each other.

I want to love and be loved for the uniqueness God has given to me and others.

Is agape love something that causes one to grit their teeth when they have to be around someone to love even though they can't stand being in their presense? I dont know. Does God work like that? Does My God work that way? I mean, I can't stand alot of things in my family but I still love them. Now... I dont force myself to love them. I ask God to change that in me and be open and accepting to his will for the person or situation.

Is agape love the type we have for family and others around us, including the one that God has designed us to be with. Or is that love between the two something different. Are we called to "help" other brothers and sisters because we are supposed to or because we want to or because we truly love them? And then at what point does that agape love change... or does it? Some thing I have yet to figure out, hoping God will reveal some sort of answer soon. I'm blaming it on the fact that I am female.

Oh... and refuring back to one of my previous post about the Justice system in Texas. Only God is the true Justifier. We have faith in Him to restore our short comings and bing Justice to where it is due. Man is simple human, fallable on or at command... to try his best and regulate with as much good as possible to help us along our path. It took me a year to realize the true importance of authority in America. And what it really is.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Love is...

something sacred that it's hard to talk about.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Blue Like Jazz

Nonreligious thoughts on Spirituality by: Donald Miller

Finished this book a few days ago. Here are some of my favorite quotes.

"The ability to accept God's unconditional grace and ferocious love is all the fuel we need to obey Him in return. Accepting God's kindness and free love is something the devil does not want us to do. If we hear, in our inner ear, a voice saying we are failures, we are losers, we will never amount to anything, this is the voice of Satan trying to convince the bride that the groom does not love her. This is not the voice of God. God woos us with kindness, He changes our character with the passion of His love." (pg. 86)

"Our behavior will not be changed long with self-discipline, but fall in love and the human will accomplish what he never thought possible." (pg. 86)

"I lay there under the stars and thought of what a great responsibility it is to be human. I am a human because God made me. I experience suffering and temptation because mankind chose to follow Satan. God is reaching out to me to rescue me. I am learning to trust Him, learning to live by His precepts that I might be preserved." (pg. 101)

"If you believe something, passionately, people will follow you. People hardly care what you believe, as long as you believe something. If you are passionate about something, people will follow you because they think you know something they don't, some clue to the meaning of the universe."

"So many years before I made amends to God, but now I had made amends to the world. I was somebody who was willing to share my faith. It felt kind of cool, kind of different. It was very relieving." (pg. 127)

"I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love. We learn that we are lovable or unlovable from other people..." (pg. 146-147)

"If we are not able to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus." (pg. 185)

"On the other hand, however, I felt by loving liberal people, I mean by really endorsing their existence, I was betraying the truth of God because I was encouraging them in their lives apart from God." (pg. 216)

"I hoped that love would work like a magnet, pulling people from the mire and toward healing. I knew this was the way God loved me. God had never withheld love to teach me a lesson." (pg. 220)

"That is, we are supposed to speak truth in love. If both conversations are not true, God is not involved in the exchange, we are on our own, and on our own, we will lead people astray." (pg. 221)

"God's love will never change us if we don't accept it." (pg. 232)

"But I actually believe there is something bigger than me, and I need for there to be something bigger than me, I need someone to put awe inside me; I need to come second to someone who has everything figured out." (pg. 237)