I just finished this.

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing.
By: Judy Blume

Next... "Superfudge". Rehashing chilhood favorites. Keeps the brain juice goin.

and here is a quote I read yesterday,
"Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven."

GRINDHOUSE

My roomates had literally like 3 Grindhouse posters up in our garage and I was always like "What is that?" and just thought it was probably something really lame that only stoners would be into. Boy, was I right. HAHAHAHA. No really. Hands down... Hands up, whatever- "Planet Terror" out of Queten Tarantino's Grindhouse series is THE BEST Zombie movie I have ever seen. And it's not JUST another Zombie flick. I would call it an action, horror, comedy. Its got major effects, amazing cinematography, and a fantastic cast! Love it. Watch it.


Oh yea.... I fell asleep after it was over so I still haven't seen "Death Proof" the other film of the set.

S and M

Theology, Philosophy, Psychology.. its all the same. Isn't it? Well, not really if you want to be a Nazi about it. But connecting thought and idea when using your brain, can result in similar beliefs and correlations. Now understanding those is a little different and takes a bit more culturing in over looked and over used phrases. For example: "S&M" also known as Sadomasochism, Sadism, or Masochism.

"You mean leather bondage right?" Not exactly. S&M has been a term used in refering to sexual pleasure derived from pain. Sexual pleasure can be taken to the literal sense with whips, chains, and handcuffs or to a more scientific level of dopamine arousal in the brain. Sex can be looked at as a purely physical act, if you allow it. But there is so much more mentally and spiritually that tie the two together. Just as sex raises levels in the brain, so do other mental and physical scenarios that we all go through in everyday living. Feelings of injustice or suffering. Living in fear or appraisal.. I find that these also apply to the S&M mindset and are often used as means of survival, control, or even power.

"Sadism refers to sexual or non-sexual gratification in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon another person. Masochism refers to sexual or non-sexual gratification from receiving the infliction of pain or humiliation.[1]" Thank you Wikipedia.org

This is where the psychology of the Masochist and Sadist begin to unfold in the war like game that goes on between the two, creating the arousal of "Who is in charge now?" (kind of childish game). Remember when you were a child and the opposite sex had "cooties" and so you didn't want to touch them or play games? But really you were very intrigued by that girl or boy but you just didn't understand how to process those feelings at such a young age. Automatically our brain goes into some sort of survival mode, no matter at what age. In the majority of human behavior, or intelligent design, that can result in S&M tendancies- whether that be mental or physical. These behaviors and actions have been theorized for many years by well known psychologist who have even devoted time in writing books on the subject.


If you have no clue what I am refuring to I suggest reading the "Sadomasochism" page in full off of Wikipedia.org it is basic Anthropology. AND it is very interesting...

"the exchange of power in S&M may not be along the expected lines. While it might be assumed that the "top"—the person who gives the sensation or causes the humiliation—is the one with the power, the actual power may lie with the "bottom", who typically creates the script, or at least sets the boundaries, by which the S&M practitioners play."

Masochism?

"The reaction to the real or imagined creator of suffering is pictured in the Old Testament itself as wrath, ill temper. Suffering produces fruits like curses, imprecations, and prayers for vengeance more readily than reform and insight. Suffering causes people to experience helplessness and fear; indeed intense pain cripples all power to resist and frequently leads to despair." [Soelle, Suffering, 21]

Apathy?

"Apatheia is a Greek word that literally means non-suffering, freedom from suffering, a creature's inability to suffer.... Apathy is a form of the inability to suffer. It is understood as a social condition which people are so dominated by the goal of avoiding suffering that it becomes a goal to avoid human relationships and contacts altogether. In so far as the experiences of suffering, the pathai (Greek for the things that happen to a person, misfortunes) of life are repressed, there is a corresponding disappearance of passion for life and of strength and intensity of its joys." [Soelle, Suffering, 36]

More on Theodicy & Suffering can be found on this site.

Love & Hate

How can you love someone who makes you feel so insecure that you hate everything about yourself?





First of all, we create the things that we hate. Not only about ourselves but the things we find in others. Second, we can't control what we love.



Why do we try?


It could just be the natural balance we keep.

Are you satisfied?

(relevent Seinfeld clip, "I'm full after the Rizotto.")

What does it mean to be satisfied? I'm not going to pull up any more cheeky dictionary quotes. Especially for satisfaction because everyone has different moral values, wants, needs, ethics, different outlooks on life in general which determine your level of satisfaction.

Me personally, I am rarely satisfied. I dont know if I choose to not be so that I am constantly stressing for something greater, wanting to expirience something at its best potential... I dont allow myself the pleasure of being satisfied so that I dont become complacent and mundane with whatever it is I may find myself to enjoy at the moment. Or maybe its just the simple fact that I am not satisfied with myself- therefore, can't find it in the things that revolve around me (wow, I'm shocked that I even made that last statement). For whatever reason why, I feel like a headcase at times and I will further explain...

I have found that all types of things bring satisfaction to people. For some it could be the smallest of things like a drawing on a napkin from your bf or gf, a smiley face on top of a cupcake, or a hug from your Grandma. But some people need more to find it. For example, a new house with a pool, the most expensive car on the lot, or that tripple bonus around the holiday season. Whatever you may find you NEED to be satisfied, regardless how materialistic or not it may seem, comes down to who you are and the choices that you make.

1. Assesing the situation- recognizing all that surrounds you. Whatever it may be: denial, confusion, complacency, joy, love, frustration, etc. These examples are a few feelings that create how we interpret and percieve our world.

2. Knowing your "self"- understanding why we choose to do the things that we do. This is key.

3. Staying true to what you believe- not only having some sort of religious obediance, but the freedom to express who you are with honesty, honoring what drives you to gain that truth.

4. Finding the good in all scenarios- I would hope that everyone would seek the "good" life but some do not. We fall short and desire lustfull actions that temporarily make us feel good. But when constantly seeking the positive... it will eventually start to find you.

5. Living life- gaining satisfaction and setting aside fear, allowing oneself to expirience their surroudings and how to manage them.

These are a few steps I have learned to acheiving the most out of the highs and lows in life. Basically, love yourself. Being satisfied with who you are. Changing what you dont like and accepting the things that you cannot.

SOBER- son o bitch everythings real

I've gotta quit smoking.

Back to life.

So like right now I really want a beer.
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CON
–adverb
1.
against a proposition, opinion, etc.: arguments pro and con.


SCIENCE
–noun
1.
a branch of knowledge or study dealing with a body of facts or truths systematically arranged and showing the operation of general laws: the mathematical sciences.
2.
systematic knowledge of the physical or material world gained through observation and experimentation.
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Conscience. That's funny.

But I sit back and think about it for a second... "Do I really NEED that beer (or shot of whiskey or whatever your poison of choice may be)?" It would probably make me feel alot better. It'd send signals to the frontal lobe in my brain (this is what most people refur to as the conscience, the part that tells us right & wrong), heightening my dopamine (dopamine is like your own personal flow of exctasy) levels for about 30 minutes until oops, I dont feel happy and carefree anymore... your natural level of dopamine is now lower than it originally was and you need another beer or other substance to raise that level.

Now if I needed that beer, it isn't because so much my body has become dependant on it, but my mind has. Eventually the frontal lobe in the brain will quit working and the alcohol seeps its way into the midbrain (this is what most refur to as the "pleasure box" of the brain). However, this is not just refuring to sex. This pertains to EVERYTHING in your daily life, down to your basic necessities, and even daily problem solving.

Basically, once your right from wrong button is shut off, all you want to do after is what feels good or what feels "right" ...

A couple of rowdy nights of this can be fun, but when your brain starts to tell you that it needs that beer to function is when your natural exctasy is all out of wack and you can't really enjoy much naturally anymore. Unless you have made the natural choice to continue drinking the beer because it seems like a lifestyle that fits you.

OR-
For those with superior mind control.

If you feel like the previous statements do not apply to you... habitual use may. Just that physical habit or religous act of something you do over and over again can be something we all become dependant on and then once it's gone- or even just the idea or letting it go can be scary in fear of having nothing there in it's place.

Thus, tying into my previous post about THOUGHT and REALITY.

I have to say that out of all the narley definitions given off of dictionary.com, I am very unsatisfied with the one given for reality (the state or quality of being real). That could mean ANYTHING, ladies and gentlemen! Basically, reality is how you percieve it to be. Listed No.5 Philosophy.

If you want something bad enough... eventually you'll put yourself in a situation or your mind into a state in which you need that thing. But it's all about how long you allow yourself to stay in that state which determines your sanity, your philosophy, and yes- your reality. And if where you want to be allows for that thing to be there as well.

Why is it that we always want what we can't have? Is it some sort of problem that we try to solve or is it because we tell ourselves that we can't have it or maybe because others have said we can't have or achieve that thing? Mick Jagger help me out, "Sometimes... you might find... you get what you need."

Now I really want a beer.

Next topic SATISFACTION... I can't get no!

Wanting what you need.

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WANT
–verb (used with object)
1.
to feel a need or a desire for; wish for


NEED
–noun
1.
a requirement, necessary duty, or obligation


IDEA [Also see THOUGHT -noun or THINK -verb]
–noun
1.
any conception existing in the mind as a result of mental understanding, awareness, or activity


REALITY
–noun
1.
the state or quality of being real.
2.
resemblance to what is real.
3.
a real thing or fact.
4.
real things, facts, or events taken as a whole; state of affairs: the reality of the business world; vacationing to escape reality.
5.
Philosophy.
a.
something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.
b.
something that exists independently of all other things and from which all other things derive.

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Now that that is out of the way, I can begin to elaborate on all of the thoughts and feelings I have been pencing over the past year or two. To begin with, rock and roll. Mick Jagger said it best himself, "You can't always get what you want..." well, you know the rest. And if you do not, I'm very sorry but I probably dont want you reading this. You might as well stop now.

Are music and art distractions in today's society? Should we all be sitting around in face to face conversation, contemplating our next movements or ideals in life without the influences of someone elses expression on how they percieve the way they feel about a certain aspect or ideal in life? To maintain all sanity, music and art are very much a therapuetic necessity for one's mind. Whether you are the one playing it or listening to it.

So yes, music has become a necessity for me. I guess you could say that I need it to survive. Probably more than I need food or water. Okay, I'm not going to elaborate on that any more then I was going to because it could create a very awkward situation for me in the future.

This brings me to THOUGHT and REALITY.

When we want something and then go along in life without it for so long and realize that "Hey, I'm okay without that, I'm alive and I'm happy," is when we begin to realize what it is we really need. And then recognizing that need was met in return makes you happy. I would say that is what makes ONE or EVERYONE happy but that is not true. I must be speaking of myself only here.

But let me explain, alot of times we want things that are not beneficial to us. As a human culture. We are lustfull and desire things to be done immediately. What is it they are calling the newer generations? Amnesiac's who forget where they come from? Well, I am. But I can't say that boldy with 100% certainty for everyone of Generation Y.

This is just the tip of the iceberg for some thoughts I've been meaning to write down and just can't find myself to do it in fear of sounding stupid 5 years from now or for sounding naive to the person sitting on my right.

As the governor of CA would say "I'll be back."